I stood there on my terrace at 2:30 am as I witnessed the sky break open and let loose all its glory. I saw the night sky light up and I saw the rain and the wind and the trees joined my dance of joy. The past few days have been crushingly difficult and this was the release I had so prayed for. God and I have not been on the best of terms and there have been moment of doubt. I am not the most religious person but there always comes a time in everyone’s life that you cant help but fall to your knees and just pray, and pray so hard as your heart breaks and you don’t even know what you’re praying for but you just want something, anything to bring you back, bring back the life you felt, bring back the peace and assurance. I saw nature answer back today, I think. Or I would like to believe so. I was the only one outside that I could see, as my dad stood back in the shade and let me run in the freezing cold rain… because that was what I needed. And I looked back at him and he smiled at me. Said I might get ill and without even thinking I responded “Don’t worry, God will watch me”. I would like to think it rained for me, and it rained for everyone frustrated right now. It was an outpouring of my tears and all our tears and those prayers for relief whether from some personal issues or from the stifling heat in general.
I stood there and watched even after I got out of the downpour. I watched till the cold air made me shiver and my chest hurt. I came back in soaking wet and took a shower, and it was 3:30am. In an hour, in just one hour, I’d been set free.
It was release, yours and mine. It was beautiful and terrifying and perfect. This is the moment that seems to have somehow changed me. And I cant even begin to understand how much or in what way that change has happened, its still too new and too raw. I just know it happened. I feel different. I feel clean.
I feel free.