Well it’s come to that time of the year. A time where mass texts are sent out to people on contact lists that you may never actually talk to all through the year, except last year, to the date, when you sent the same message to the entire contact list, just like the year before. The same recycled message with a couple of words switched in here and there or new ones worked in, maybe some phrase you though would make you seem hip and up to date. Or as my Facebook feed will stand testament, an inundation of status updates full of well wishes and pseudo-philosophical statements, declarations of love and lists of resolutions, most of which no one will achieve before 2014 is out.
But that’s just one way of looking at it. A very cynical, downright nasty way, if I do say so myself. The other side is the coma inducing sweetness of the people behind those well meaning, if cheesy and stereotypical, text messages and Facebook updates. They are optimistic and bright, happy people. And that too is a way to be.
Where do I stand? With each passing year I am torn between my failures and successes. Sometimes I feel like I am perpetually doing the One-Step-Forward-Two-Steps-Back dance, more a failure the older I get. I mean people younger than me are doing so much more and I am still a second year bachelors student. On the other hand, after everything I have been through, I am, at the same time, damned proud to have made it this far and for the person I have become. The fact that I can emulate a semblance of sanity is a great thing, truly. There is a LOT I am grateful for and to be fair, a lot that I have managed to accomplish.
So for me, its bittersweet. Ill admit, deep inside I too am mushy and cant help but have hopes for the new year to come. On the one hand, tonight is just another date passing on the calender. On the other, its my new start. Every year I grow and mature and come to see more of life, in new ways. I meet new people, I eat new things, I try new dances, new dresses, new shoes, some years I fall in love, others I break my heart but learn a lesson. And it all adds up, and makes me who I am.
I am a mess, a jumble of nerves and contradictions. A lot of ideals and and fears, bravery and cowardice too. There’s lots of happiness and tears. But that is just me and I am Ramsha…
oh and in case anyone was wondering, this was one of the years I found love, and fingers-crossed-touch-wood-and-a-four leaf clover-too, I hope its for good 😉
Happy new year everyone!