And so the new year approaches and I begin anew

Hello blog world. Again.

So this would be umpteenth countless time begging for a do-over. I know, I know, I always say I’m here for good, only to get caught up with other stuff and totally vanish. But this is, this blog, is for once part of my actual resolutions for the new year. So I am hoping I will keep it up this time. Another reason why I really want to try again is because someone very near and dear to me has asked me not to give up writing. He has faith in my ability to make sense with words and such. I sure hope he is right because I seem to have lost any faith I had in myself as a writer some time ago.

Everything I would come up with seemed so contrived, so alien. Like I was writing other’s words, their stories. I was so uninspired by my own life that I lashed out by burying my own visions and emulating the style of others, trying so hard to bathe myself in the literary glory of others, using formulas that lent them fame, only to realize that what worked for others did not work for me. In fact, I was miserable.

The realization took its time to take root. I figured out, finally, that if inspiration wouldn’t haul ass and come to me, then I’ll just have to pack my bags and go after it. I had no right to be angry at the Gods of Fate/Muses of Life and Art, because it was my own fault for falling into the trap of the mundane and mediocrity, the daily humdrum of sleep, wake, eat, repeat, shampoo, rinse, repeat.

But then I wound up meeting someone, around March of this past year, 2013. And after a long time, I didn’t feel so sad anymore. I was finally not alone. And that changed EVERYTHING.

And so here I am, as cheesy as it may sound, starting over. That phrase is so over used and dragged through the dirt it doesn’t seem enough to explain. Maybe I’m not that great a writer after all, vocabulary skills lacking some what. I can’t say I am reborn, really, I would not want to be. To start over and learn the lessons I have learnt would be horrific really. Some of those lessons were bitter but they have shaped who I am. So NO not reborn. Maybe when I know the right term, the one that feels right, Ill let you guys know. For now, lets just say, I’m back.

And I apologize if this post is a bit haphazard and all over the place. I am just going through a mish-mash of thoughts and new-year-type feelings. I assure and guarantee more coherency and depth of content from henceforth.

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Here, have a rainbow manatee as a sign of apology from me.

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6 Comments

  1. I read somewhere that the single distinguishing characteristic of successful writers is that they keep writing. Your personal experience and viewpoints are not only valid, they are unique, and as you share them with the world, you will be greatly enriched in spirit and, perhaps, material success. Please keep writing.

    • Thank you for the encouragement! It means a lot. Ones confidence is not fallible, nor is it part of our permanent make up. It shifts and wavers and without nurturing it can suffer a great blow. I gave up but I am glad I am back. I’ve felt really peaceful since last night when I created this post! Once again, thank you!

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